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20. You may not vote on this poll
  • yeah sounds kinda interesting

    19 95.00%
  • hell no this is for jeeps

    1 5.00%
  • some kid no one knows bought a used jeep!

    6 30.00%
  • boobs n bacon

    14 70.00%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: cop stories

  1. #1

    cop stories

    ok so most of yall know i'm a deputy sheriff in Texas.
    i thought some of you guys might find it interesting to hear about the dumbasses i deal with or when something interesting happens on shift.
    there are a couple of other LEOs on here that could chime in too
    so whatch think/
    can I get my meds in a Princess Leia Pez dispenser please?

  2. #2
    Haldol Shuffle kaptkrappy's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Punta Gorda, FL
    Posts
    780
    I can't wait to hear some of yours and your fellow LEO's stories.

    I hope occasionally they will involve a young man that just bought a used Jeep and he uses that Jeep to go on adventures to find bacon and BOOBS (lawfully).

    .
    Quote Originally Posted by jkristie44 View Post
    my wife shit in my face, bit my dick, and my neighbor came out of the closet..


    2011 JK SPORT__________________________________________________ _________Kapt Krappy

  3. #3
    Pastrami Prolapse Chris Hansen's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Southern Cal
    Posts
    2,646
    Hell yeah! I love when my cop buddies get the stories flowin!
    Get the hottest crime novel out now! http://amzn.to/Zovqkj or http://bit.ly/18N0Juv

  4. #4
    Haldol Shuffle Wordgie's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Dec 2011
    Location
    East Central Florida
    Posts
    680
    Damn straight! Bring. 'Em on!!!!

    I started putting some of mine in a blog. I haven't updated it in a while, but I'll post a link.

  5. #5
    sounds good to me, bring on the crazy
    2004 TJ

    http://i1238.photobucket.com/albums/...pse0aba888.gif

    Quote Originally Posted by Dan View Post
    Dr. Dirty just won the Internet singehanded.

  6. #6
    Jester Offroad Jester's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Winter Haven, Florida
    Posts
    720
    I will share some but will have my wife type for me so I sounds good. I have so many stories and now that I am retired I can actually tell them and just change my fellow officers names so that they can get in trouble.




  7. #7
    Pastrami Prolapse Chris Hansen's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Southern Cal
    Posts
    2,646
    Right on! I know there are a few of you on here.....so this could get good.

  8. #8
    Haldol Shuffle Wordgie's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Dec 2011
    Location
    East Central Florida
    Posts
    680
    You gonna wait until the deadline hits and do it here or start another thread?

  9. #9
    Pastrami Prolapse Chris Hansen's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Southern Cal
    Posts
    2,646
    I say keep this one going.

  10. #10
    Haldol Shuffle Wordgie's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Dec 2011
    Location
    East Central Florida
    Posts
    680
    Quote Originally Posted by BCarr View Post
    I say keep this one going.
    ten-fo

    Here's a link to my blog. When the family would get together, I'd have to tell stories from work. I learned real quick that you have to process it and retell it a little different for the average non-LE people to see the humor/entertainment of it. I also realized very early in my career you need an outlet for the fucked up shit you see. Humor, irony and sarcasm has always worked for me so I always tried to impart that. Anyway, I kept getting told I need to write a book. Fuck that, there has to be an interest to begin with and I just don't have the attention span nor the patience to deal with that bullshit. So, I figured I'd do the next best thing. Blog it.

    You should be able to access it all without registering. There are a few in progress ones and one or two that aren't LE related.

    http://wordgie.wordpress.com

    This is one of the newest events and out of all of the stories I've typed out, this one will never be forgotten. I know I told it over at JKO, don't think it's a rehash here.

    A BRUSH WITH THE UNDEAD


    No, really, it happened.

    Since I work in the schools, my Summers are largely spent at the whim and mercy of the higher ups. I can’t really complain, though, because I normally get to do a month or two of patrol which is where my heart still is.

    Last Summer I got assigned to my old stomping grounds from my last stint on the road, Springerville. No, that’s not the official name of the area, it’s just that every shift in that zone is a front row seat to The Jerry Springer Show. The phrase “you can’t make this shit up” applies fully.

    I get sent on a well being check. A doctor’s office called in and reported one of their patients didn’t make it to his appointment….two days prior. I pull up at the same time as my zone partner, another Deputy with the same amount of work experience as I do. Despite that, we remain optimistic of the the outcome. Knock on the door, tell the guy his doctor was concerned and take a 10-8. No problem, quick and easy and I’m already down a couple reports.

    We each get out of our cars and our attention is drawn to the handful of newspapers at the front gate. Meh, it happens. I mean, who reads a printed newspaper when you can get it online, right? I check the mailbox. Dammit, man. Crammed full of mail. No bueno. We look at each other knowing our chances of this being quick and easy are are rapidly decreasing. I walk up to the front door, right smack into a spider web. Been a little while since anyone came this way. I then notice the kitchen light is on. Odd since it’s broad daylight outside. Let’s just get through the preliminaries and give me the dead body already. Don’t make me work for it.

    By this time rescue shows up and I tell them what we have. They decide to make forced entry and we go to the back door. They breech the door and step aside for me to lead the way. Thanks. I get a step and half inside the door and smell it. There’s no mistaking that smell. It doesn’t smell like rotten garbage and it’s much worse than a dead armadillo. Where is he?

    I’m walking through the house, looking for signs of a struggle as well as the dead guy all the while I’m calling out his name. What can I say, I’m an eternal optimist. Get to the bathroom and there he is. Elvis didn’t invent dying on the can, he just made it more fashionable. The old man is face down with a pool of blood under his head in a semi face down fetal position. His knees are drawn up into his body and his head and face are on the floor mashed against the corner where the bathtub and floor meet. I can see some discoloration on the lower parts of his body and recognized as lividity.

    I call out that I found him and to send one of the paramedics to call the no code/no vitals. I go forward to make sure there’s no sign of foul play or even another body and I hear something. OK, the back door is on the opposite side of the wall so it must be the traffic in and out. As the paramedic gets to me, I hear it again. He also hears it and we both look at each other. It sounded like someone taking a deep breath. We look into the bathroom and see his back move and hear another deep breath. Dude’s still alive….hoooo-ly SHIT.

    This guy looked dead and even smelled dead. He was the deadest alive guy I’ve ever had the chance to encounter

    After we both got over the fact this was…by FAR…the most bizarre thing we had ever seen, we were glad we didn’t get our face eaten or brain sucked out but even more satisfied that our refusal to give up helped save a life.

    We don’t get a lot of wins, but when we do we have to hold onto it to get us to the next one.

  11. #11
    Here's Callahan County's possibly first radioactive hazmat event....

    I had been at the SO to pick up a couple of things on my day off - in my patrol unit but no uniform and was on my way up to grab a bite to eat at about midnight.

    I'm about to head home and the other deputy that was still on duty calls in a stop, then calls for a wrecker - that means someone's going to jail. I radio'd and asked if he needed a hand and wanted me to come wait for the wrecker so he could deliver his guy. So I get there and he has 2 guys that were sitting on the side of the highway in a new F-250 drinking - truck had half a bottle of vodka and 20+ beers in it, we searched it again and found a roach (weed, not bug) so we pulled them back out on the side of the road and searched them again - found a bag of weed and 2 bags of pills - off they go to lockup, I wait on the tow, do an inventory etc, release the vehicle and I'm back on track for some late dinner.

    I'm almost to what-a-burger at about 1AM when call comes in of a driver on the highway running 80MPH on 3 wheels. Pickup is blowing sparks where the right rear used to be and all over the highway.
    I hear one of the city cops call in that he had the vehicle stopped where I was about to drive by, and he calls for any available SO unit, I knew 103 was booking in the 2 we had just arrested and I'm just a few hundred yards from the requesting unit so I tell him I'll swing by.

    He has a pickup on 3 wheels stopped on an exit ramp in town, the side of the truck is tore out, bed side is folded back like a sardine can where he got into the highway divider cables. I roll up "hey man, whats up? about that time the driver (obviously drunk) starts yelling "man you gotta find it! its dangerous! I'm telling you I was hauling radioactive material" I look up at the other officer he says "thats why I called for backup". So we're kinda trying to figure out if hes drunk or really hauling hazmat, and about 10 sec later a car pulls off the ramp and says theres a bunch of debris on the highway and I notice the remains of a placard on the truck - uh oh. So I ask the other officer (a semi-rookie in his first year on patrol) if he has this under control - he looks at me and shrugs with a confused look so I said I'd go look for the cargo.

    I circle back about 8 miles up the highway and start heading back, theres a groove carved into the asphalt wandering all over both eastbound lanes for at least that far - I never saw where he started running on the rim. I get about 4 miles from where he was stopped and theres a huge "thing" laying in the median against the cables with some debris out onto the road - bingo, okay what is it? I realize it looks like a hightop cap off of an oil field x-ray truck - they use these for x-raying oil pipe lines for cracks etc. Looks like this on the truck - different company but same design.
    So yup, theres radioactive potential. I block the passing lane on the highway, light up everything I have and back up about 40 yards and call it in - roll fire dept hazmat team, roll TX DOT, roll state troopers.
    EVERYONE starts making phone calls. no one can tell how hot this stuff is.
    I'm sitting out there on the highway by myself looking at this shell, a few minutes goes by, I think "shit thats radioactive!" so I back up another 25 yards. A few more minutes goes by, "sht that's RADIOACTIVE!" I back off another 40 yards.
    I decided screw it- better safe than glowing, I'm gonna shut down the highway till we get it sorted so I'm trying to block both lanes with my patrol pickup and divert traffic off an off ramp around the debris, yeah thats like herding cats - 1 truck cant do both lanes. About that time fire dept gets on scene, we discuss it and yeah - lets shut it down.
    I call the SO and the other deputy (that was actually on duty), says everyone is trying to find something out but they just got a 911 call and theres a semi on fire 20 miles up the highway (unrelated just bad timing) and he has to goto that.

    The fire chief calls the emergency number for the truck company and gets an answering service out of canada. We finally get a call back and this guy says "keep a vehicle between yourself and the debris at all times and evac 1/4 mile radius". Shit, thats the other side of the highway, the access road where we're diverting traffic, the middle school on the side of the road, - I'VE BEEN CLOSER THAN THAT THE WHOLE TIME, etc!
    I call in to confirm and get ahold of a trooper who's at the SO helping with the drunk guy from the truck (who has decided to become combative) and is now joining in trying to get ahold of anyone who knows how hot this crap is - he got through to the company's emergency people and they say 120ft, not 1/4 mile - whew!
    Meanwhile the cavalry is slowly arriving. Another PD unit so we can shut down the highway, TX DOT with their traffic control trucks, and finally Abilene Texas FD's HAZMAT team with their command post, multiple trucks, etc etc. After being alone in the middle of the highway for over an hour - I was feeling mighty lonely!
    Abilene's HAZMAT team radiols on their way out "is it liquid, powder, gas? is it spilled on the ground?" my response over the radio "I don't know and I'm not going digging through the debris to find out!"

    So after all this arrives, my little patrol truck that started it all in firmly surrounded by everything with flashing lights within 50 miles.
    The sheriff calls me "if the media shows up, you're the face of callahan county and first on scene so do the talking and do us proud!" - "sir I'm not even in uniform, its my day off!" - "OK, well just do a good job and smile for the camera".

    They finally get suited up and check it - the "vault" - 1/2" thick lead container for the material is in tact, no extra radiation coming from it - BUT the x-ray company has to send one of their guys from Odessa (about 3 hours away) to come get it. So we opened one lane of the highway back up and units started leaving. It's about 8AM by this time.
    I FINALLY get clear of the scene and GO GET MY DAMN HAMBURGER! Then head back to the SO for a few on my way home and then get stuck there covering until the sheriff wakes up and gets back in to work.
    Got home about noon.

    Keep in mind this was about my 2nd week on the job.
    And it was my day off, all I could think of was the Kevin Smith movie Clerks "I'm not even supposed to be here today!"
    This is part of why dispatch started calling me "Shit Magnet".

  12. #12
    Powered By power bottoms jkristie44's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Pensacola naval base checking out the mens in uniform
    Posts
    4,546
    I have some great ones of my own, but they involve me vs the cops.

  13. #13
    Great stories, keep em coming


    Sent from the ether
    Hands up, Don't shoot!

  14. #14
    I get around gold knight's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Dawsonville, Ga
    Posts
    3,110
    Bacon is for eating, not for polls....

    Otherwise I can't believe you even had to ask. Of course we want to hear them.
    Quote Originally Posted by frenchlayer View Post
    Great stories, keep em coming


    Sent from the ether
    x3
    N00B's click here!
    Larry T (my wife has a green Jeep with a flat black muffler)

    My other hobbies include: Older cars and trucks; Spending money on unfinished projects, and continuing to not finish them...
    Quote Originally Posted by BCarr View Post
    Welcome. We don't bite. Well.......Jake does.......but only if you smell like cake.
    Quote Originally Posted by WTF_LOL
    Bacon is for eating, not for polls

  15. #15
    Bat Shit Crazy tcDawg's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Woodstock, Ga
    Posts
    1,967
    Keep them coming!
    TC
    Crawling For Reid May 13 - 15, 2016 Adventure OffRoad Park
    https://www.facebook.com/events/1670437756568674/

  16. #16
    Haldol Shuffle Wordgie's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Dec 2011
    Location
    East Central Florida
    Posts
    680
    I had one of my pets come in and visit today. Good kid, a little high maintenance and needy, but a big heart. She does teacher aide stuff a couple periods a day in the multi V.E. (Severely disabled kids) classrooms. We're talking and she stops mid sentence and looks over my shoulder out the window. There's a drink machine right outside and one of the multi kids was hugged up on the corner of it licking it.

    A little later a regular ed kid came to the office claiming someone stole his headphones from his purse during lunch.

  17. #17
    Haldol Shuffle Ogie's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Posts
    666
    Quote Originally Posted by jkristie44 View Post
    I have some great ones of my own, but they involve me vs the cops.
    Me too. And a couple involving close friends....and not all cops are good. I'll just leave it at that.

  18. #18
    Last night was my first shift covering the county alone.
    923 sq miles and 1 deputy.
    Glad it was quiet!

  19. #19
    Who is your daddy? dr.dirty's Avatar
    Date Committed
    Nov 2011
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    4,553

  20. #20
    Off at midnight but on call till 6.
    I always have trouble sleeping till after I know I'm really off.

 

 

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